Ending relationships

For my previous post, I had to look through folders of old photos. A lot of these photos featured my ex and I felt a bit awkward going through them.

I have six years worth of photos with my ex. That is a lot of photos. And it also shows signs of the relationship slowly fading, which made me think about it a bit.

It was not obvious back then, but now I can clearly see my disinterest in the photos. I was not happy.

In the first couple of years I can see happiness in the relationship. It was new, it was my first and I was glad I was in it. It was something I thought I needed at the time.

Then, things were not so new any more. We started living together. So many things irritated me about him, but I thought it was just my hormones. In photos I looked glum and even sometimes grumpy. This was during last three years of the relationship.

Why wasn't it obvious during those three years that the relationship just had to end? Why weren't the signs obvious?

Image source here

Now I would think it would be obvious if I did it all again. But as a reminder, I have created the following list.

When you can be sure the relationship has to end:

1. You feel unhappy with your partner at all times.
2. Your partner has a way of irritating you like no other person.
3. You no longer feel physically or mentally attracted to them. In other words, you feel no attraction to them at all.
4. You do not feel any joy seeing them after not seeing them for a period of time.
5. You rather be somewhere else or with someone else when with your partner.
6. You cannot imagine a happy future together.
7. When you do not want to take any time or energy fixing the relationship because you feel like it is unfixable.
8. When you are constantly thinking whether or not it should end. If you are thinking about it, there has to be a reason why.
9. You cannot find any positives or qualities in your partner that are worth tolerating any negative.
10. When you both do not want the same type of live. 

Image source here

Even though all of the above was true, I still kept at it. I knew I wanted out, but didn't know how to do it. I felt insecure about myself. I felt like no one else would want to be with me. I felt like we had gone through too many years to give it all up.

I felt responsible for his happiness. I did not want to crush him. I did not want to make him feel like I took away a lot of his time. I did not want the blame.

In hindsight, the quicker I would end it, the best it would have been for the both of us. Ending it allowed him to get on with his life, and it allowed me to see what I truly wanted. It was like being freed from a ball and chain.

Ending it allowed me to be free to find someone else. Someone who I never thought would enter my life. Someone who I am with now.

Hopefully the same will happen to him, if it hasn't already.